Strange...

This day has been strange. It's been (mostly) a really good day. Work was actually fun, we did all kinds of weird fun stuff for the company's anniversary. Plus I got my new room mostly set up, it's pretty nice. Other than the news I got about my friend Lauren, it's been a really good day. But for some reason I feel bad about it. There's something wrong. This day shouldn't be. It's almost like I feel guilty for being okay. I guess it's not so much guilt, as it feels like a lie. Like by having a good day I'm betraying myself. I'm not supposed to have good days. I'm supposed to be miserable. I get like this a lot when I'm coming out my depression, this weird feeling like I don't want to let it go, like I want to be depressed again. I really wish I could figure out why I do this to myself and how to stop.