Depersonalization

Depersonalization is like your brain fracturing into many pieces, separated, partitioned off. The pieces can still communicate, but the messages are broken, disjointed, distant. You, the conscious, self-aware part of you, is lost in the back, a million miles away from your feelings, your senses, your memories. Reality becomes nothing more than a series of images, sounds, just distant sensations, not really your own. You've lost yourself in the void growing between the disconnected segments of your brain. All alone inside the back of your head with your muddled, chaotic thoughts, senseless and yet so profound, clarity in the madness of the nothingness you find yourself surrounded and fogged by. The illusion of existence that serves only to make you feel insane, to remind you that all you are experiencing is more than the dream it's become, yet you cannot feel it. The hazy messages from your senses make the world seem so phantasmal, so surreal. You go on with your routine, trying your best not to let your dementia show to those around you. The messages from your feelings come through, vague but discernible. Fear. Terror. Panic. You can't feel it, but you know. The horror of losing your mind. Losing yourself. The anxiety of worrying that others will know your insanity, lock you away. Eventually it passes, eventually the pieces rejoin and your mind is whole again. But the fear lingers.

If you've felt this, fear not. You are not going crazy, and you are not alone.