Potential.

All my life, I've been told I had so much potential and I could be this and I could be that, and I still hear it constantly. I've tried my whole life to remind myself that I can't possibly be everything to everyone, I can't possible live up to all of their expectations. Even though I know that, and remind myself all the time, it still haunts me. Disappointment. No matter what I do, no matter how I try, I'll always feel like a failure, because I can't possibly succeed at the goals that have been set before me. I know I shouldn't worry about it, that I should just let it go and not let myself fall into that trap, but as hard as I try I can't forget about it. It always comes back to that feeling, like no matter what I do it's wrong. No matter what I do I'm a disappointment and a failure. I hate potential. I would be so much more motivated if all the talk of my "potential" throughout my life didn't make it seem so futile to even try. It's incredibly difficult to get yourself to act when you know that in some way you've already failed no matter what. I just wish I could forget about all these things I'm "supposed to be" so I wouldn't know what a screw-up I am. I used to try to be everything I was told I could be, but once I realized that I can't be everything, it all just stopped seeming worth it. And I can't figure out how to make it right again, how to make myself stop feeling that way, how to make it mean anything again. *sigh*