Fuck.

I fucking hate everything. I don't even know why. I just really want to fucking break shit. I want to pick up my goddamn lamp and chuck it through the fucking window. I want to slam my fucking head into the mirror until it shatters into little pieces. I want to go get a sledgehammer and smash everything in sight. I want the world to feel broken like me. I want to wreck everything, I want to ruin everything. I want to just fucking leave a trail of destruction in my wake and kill anything that stands in my way. I hate this fucking universe. Luckily I won't do any of this because instead I'll resort to destroying the only thing that has ever truly been mine, just like I always do. Sometimes I wish I'd get up the fucking nerve to just let this shit out on the rest of the world instead of always destroying myself. No, really I just wish I could stop feeling like this. What the hell is wrong with me... I was fine earlier today. Yesterday I could barely get up, I just felt so lost, by night I was fine and perfectly happy, ecstatic even. This morning I was happy, it was a good morning, I had some interesting conversations and a lot of fun. By four in the afternoon I was desperately lonely and miserable, by seven I started feeling like I do now. What the hell... I wish my brain would shut the fuck up, all the goddamn thoughts and noise are driving me insane. I need a release. I need help. I want this shit to stop, forever. Can't anything just make all the noise go away? It never ends, I can't even keep my mind straight, it's just a barrage of shit inside my head, torturing me. Why won't it go away? I can't keep fucking doing this. I can't live like this. I don't even want to live, not because I'm depressed but just because it seems like the only way to make all this go away. Fuck it, I hate my fucking brain. I hate everything.